Redefining Growth
This post is a bit personal in the sense that I am still trying to understand what it means myself, and what to do about it.
I have been feeling somewhat trapped in a cycle of self hatred lately, as I have had health issues pop up out of nowhere since January 2026. I got over one health problem, then finally got back to my gym and food routine, and then had another health problem. Finally got back to my gym and food routine, and now am finishing getting over yet another problem.
All during this time, work drained every bit of my energy I had remaining, leaving me somewhat of an empty husk. Now, on the edge of getting over this medical issue I am somewhat scared to get back into my routines, and feel far less confident.
After 6 months of on and off activity and issues, I don't feel like I can confidently walk into a gym, I feel like I did back in 2022, and I feel like everything I have done in therapy, with a trainer, and with friends has been wiped away- I feel like all my growth has been erased.
However... after two weeks of beating myself up over this, I came to realize that the growth is not gone, what I learned is not gone. Growth can exist alongside setbacks, even if it sucks, and it feels horrible.
I've learned quite a bit at work, I have learned how to juggle an insane amount of change, unknowns, and inconsistencies (albeit, I am not great at this yet). I have managed to avoid putting on a ton of weight, and am around 185 at 6ft, which is not horrible.
A lot of people I see online talk about growth as being this line that must go up, similar to capitalism, but growth cannot be infinite, and there must be setbacks at times- and that is something nobody talks about, and it is something I forgot. Growth can also happen during setbacks- learning how to get out from a rut, learning how to deal with the health issues, etc.
All this is to say, growth is not always a linear path, and beating oneself up over setbacks is not going to do anything but stunt future growth. What this means in practice, I am still figuring out... but I do know it is the truth. Hopefully I will figure out how to utilize that truth, sooner rather than later.