Climbing back up from setback
Without getting too deep into medical history on a public post, the last three months have been brutal. In short, nerve damage and extreme pain, adjustment disorder, surprise heart issue, three sinus infections, all while being AuDHD and having to go to work, to afford the medical components tied to the above.
As of writing, I have adjusted to the adjustment disorder, have new medication for the heart problem, and am beginning to get myself back into "normal", though I am still dealing with some lingering sinus issues.
I have always had a hard time without routine- my brain needs it, and when I don't have it... my brain stops working right.
I am now in a new apartment, have new responsibilities at work, and was out of the gym for about three months. I have no routine right now, and my already overwhelmed brain is extremely dis-regulated. Not for a lack of discipline to be clear, but a lack of time, and physical ability over the last several months.
A few things I have found to be helpful in regulating myself and finding some sense of a routine, that I figure may be useful to others (in no specific order):
- Flexible calendar blocks
- Making things with some flexibility makes me less likely to beat myself up over it if something isn't "right" on time.
- Dedicated "quiet" hours outside of work
- I used to do this every day and dropped it when the medical things came up, which was a horrible awful mistake.
- My brain needs time to process, and if I don't let it do that, it will shutdown on me once it stops letting me brute force it.
- Pre-prepared meals
- This varies on budget, but helpful on bad brain days.
- I used Factor, as it was healthier, but it was... not very cheap and I do sort of regret it. But, it did ensure I ate when my brain looked at food and said "nope".
- Writing down the schedule for the next few days
- Plan no farther than 3 days out.
- Mileage may vary. If I planned more than 3 days, I would begin to stress over timelines and would drop the plan altogether.
- I have always planned things and live by my calendar, but never knew it impacted me this much.
- Ensure all items are put back in their correct spot
- Been like this since I was a kid, things need to be in the right place or I lose track of them, and get stressed that they aren't in their spot.
- Oddly enough, I suck at doing this despite it being a lifelong source of stress.
- Weekly Therapy
- This has been extremely helpful. I am not great at asking for help, despite having higher support needs than the average person.
- Having an outlet to dump information on, and sort through it has been integral in my mental recovery.
- I'd recommend in-person if your insurance will cover it, I am lucky and privileged to have that option.
- Being able to process a meltdown in person in a space that is not where you live and work, I found to be extremely important.
- Familial discussion
- My family knows me very well, and they can often see what is causing me mental anguish when I cannot because of mental overload.
- Thanks guys, seriously.
- 5-10min breaks every 1-2 hours dedicated to stimming and grounding
- I found that the ONO brand of rollers, both the flat metallic, and rigid metallic are the best "tools" that blend in when at work. Nobody questions them.
- Examining an active situation as an outsider, removing personal biases
- This is helpful at work as at the end of the day, I can break away from the work mask easier.
- This sometimes works, sometimes does not. Depends on my % of brainpower that day.
Overall, climbing back up from what felt like my world crumbling around me has been difficult, but I am lucky to have been able to have medical support, and an overall strong support network. Not everyone has that, and I acknowledge my privilege in this regard.
I am also incredibly grateful to my boss at work, and some of my amazing co-workers who checked in on me, and were flexible when I was barely functional at work. I am not back to 100% yet, more like 45%- but I am taking things one day at a time.